Posts tagged god

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about fear and society. Fear has society considering mandatory bar-coding at birth. Fear has society believing a comfortable, natural, and drug-free child birth is not possible. Fear has society questioning our ability to make our own responsible decisions in life.

We make rash decisions because of fear. We make wrong decisions because of fear. We lose our freedom because of fear.

I’m reminded of a few months ago after I left NYC and moved back to rural Pennsylvania. The transition was not super easy, as I had kind of expected, and we were financially stressed, as most people are these days.

I started doing some serious soul-searching and expressed some of my emotions to a dear friend. He had also been doing some soul-searching over the past year, so I knew he could somewhat understand where I was coming from.

He then paraphrased a quote by Saint Barsanuphius, “Know, my brother, that every thought which is not preceded by the calmness of humility does not come from God, but clearly from the left side.”

From that, I understood that I should pay closer attention to my thoughts and emotions. If they bring me peace, then I should accept and follow them. If they bring me fear, then I should ignore and run far away from them.

Last week was the first time that I can remember, maybe even ever, that I felt completely at peace with myself. I have always felt guilty for not doing enough, not working hard enough, letting the pressures of society bring me down.

I actually felt inspired to sit at the piano and just play. That may sound bizarre since I am a singer-songwriter whose main instrument is piano, but it honestly has been over 8 years since I played the piano just for fun. Not to practice. Not to write. But to enjoy. And it felt so good.

Why would I deprive myself of such feelings? What have I been so scared of? Failure? Judgment? Mediocrity?

I think I finally just gave in and let the fear go. I wanted to enjoy the present moment for all that it was, good, bad, or just okay. “Let go, and let God”, right? “Everything happens for a reason”, right?

These beautiful, yet simple sayings, but who actually follows them? Now on, when fear enters my mind, I want to remind myself to fear not Earthly matters. I know of nothing good that has ever come from fear. I just want to enjoy life with all it’s ups and downs and knowns and unknowns, with true gratitude.

Wow. This story took me back a bit …

simplyorthodox:

From a conversation of a young lady with Elder Anatole Potapov of Optina:

“Now you’re going to tell me you want to get married?”

I was silent.

“You love him now for his good looks. Marry him when you feel that you can’t live without him. I know of one case: the husband was at war and was killed. His wife died at home in that same hour. When it’s like that with you, then get married.” 

- Elder Anatole of Optina

simplyorthodox:

A time is coming when people will go mad and when they see someone who is not mad, they will attack him, saying ‘You are mad, you are not like us’.

- St. Anthony the Great

As many of you know, in October 2010, I spent a week with a group of children at the Hogar Rafael Ayau orphanage in Guatemala City who have experienced things in their short lives that no person should ever experience. Their joyous and gracious spirits touched my heart forever, and helped strengthen my hope for humanity.

For those who don’t know, this past week 12-year-old Adriana became ill and passed away. I had met her, and regardless how well I got to know her, or any of the children for that matter, any more tragedies they have to endure simply breaks my heart. The children, staff, and nuns at the Hogar are one large family and like any family, a loss is never easy.

I came across two stories Madre Maria recently shared that touched my heart and hopefully it can help anyone else going through a loss:

-For one whole week, Adriana was lovingly cared for by her big sister Reina until the day she was rushed to the hospital for emergency. That night, Reina dreamt of her little sister inviting her to take a walk at the Hogar park. While walking together, Adriana told Reina, “I will be well!!!” And Reina assured her, “You will be well!!!” Early morning the next day, Adriana slept in the Lord peacefully.

-On the night of the wake, our dear Adriana was kept company by our older kids who freely chose to stay all night until dawn in Church taking turns on their own in reading the 150 psalms over and over again, singing the eight tones and other liturgical songs they know by heart!!! It is truly a grace to witness the strong and solid faith of these kids in their grief. And it is indeed beautiful to see how their faith transforms their human grief into paschal joy!!! BIG IS GOD!!!!!!!!!!!

This past year, more than ever, I learned that life is all about choices, and owning the consequences of those choices, whether good or bad. It is always easier to blame someone else, but to choose true humility, and face our consequences with ownership is the ultimate race in life.

Can you imagine a world where each person took full responsibility for their life? That would mean spending the majority of our time bettering our mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual states. In return, we could feel so free that the essence and energy surrounding us could uplift whoever or whatever was near. We wouldn’t need man’s laws to tell us how to act, because we would simply remember the laws built within us. So instead of spending and wasting so much time trying to solve other people’s problems, we all could focus on solving our own problems, and be enlightened by each other.

Maybe I’m asking too much of this world. For now I will continue to dream, work, live, and pray for a world in which peace really does and can exist. With so many cultural, political, religious, and personal conflicts in life, may God grant us all true inner peace so that we may live a prosperous and enjoyable new year.